♥Bits of Wisdom♥I need to write this post now so that it's fresh in my memory and so I can't dilute my thoughts over night.If you follow me on
Twitter you will know that I've spent the last two days on a 'working together' course. The reason I went on this course is that during my appraisal at work I was giving feedback about my confidence around other people. And, although my manager knows I am very good at my job do I give that impression to people outside our team. This really hit a nerve with me, actually I felt pretty hurt by it. Do people think I'm incapable? I immediately looked into training courses and decided that the 'working together' course sounded perfect. This feedback about me had come from an over boisterous colleague of mine. Even before this course I could easily admit that I tend to withdraw when confronted by 'in your face' individuals. I was always quite shy when I was younger. University helped build my confidence and my teacher training built up my confidence even further, but I still revert to how I was at school when put in that situation. That probably gives you an idea as to what school was like for me. I wasn't bullied, but I was very quiet and kept myself to myself. My friends knew me well, but I doubt a lot of people would remember who I was if they were asked 'do you remember Jenny J?'
The course was pretty intense. Two days of analysing myself and having others analyse me was pretty tiring. Last night I slept like a baby even though the constant hum of a boiler had kept me awake the night before. We have talked about so much in the last two days that it is going to take time for me to put things into practice. And I hope you don't mind me sharing my journey with you guys.
I've realised that I have pretty low self esteem. Actually, I already knew this, but just figured I could get by in life without having to do anything about it. I am very aware that I hate speaking on the phone to anyone. Why? Because I have quite a soft, high pitched voice, which makes me sound a lot younger than I am. I'm scared that I'll mess up what I'm going to say and people will laugh at me. I'm scared of people being rude or judgemental and I'd rather not put myself in that situation.
You may have noticed that I don't post many pictures of myself. I think I look fat at the moment. I hate my side profile as I have a reasonably prominent nose and my teeth aren't straight.
If I was out with a group of friends at a club I would never be the one approached by the cute guys. I realise now that was to do with my self confidence and not because I was less attractive than my friends.
So the first task for me is to work on my self esteem. We sat in groups and discussed ways in which we can enhance self esteem in others and ways we can enhance self esteem in ourselves. Here are a few of the things we came up with:
Others♥Positive feedback, compliments, praise - remember to be genuine about these three things. Don't give a compliment if you don't mean it. We'll see through you!
♥Listen - and I mean
really listen. Show genuine interest. Ask questions that you want to hear the answers to, don't fake it. We know if you're not really listening. If you're really interested and listening to someone you'll delve deeper into the subject matter.
♥Responsibility - give us responsibility. Show us that you trust us.
♥Ask for advice - show that you value our opinion.
♥Having high self esteem yourself can be infectious. If you can raise your own self esteem it will often raise other peoples too.
Own♥Affirmations - this is something I need to work on as I didn't really know what they were. Our trainer mentioned that affirmations only work if you're willing to do something about it and if they are realistic. It's no good making yourself believe you can drive a car if you really can't, because you will crash. But telling yourself 'I can learn to drive this car' is realistic and achievable and you're not going to put yourself in any danger. Also, make sure they are positive. Not - 'I am not ugly', but 'I am an incredibly beautiful person, inside and out'. Notice by just mentioning the word ugly in the first affirmation it puts a negative spin on it?
♥Value and respect others - again this is a cyclic thing. If you value and respect others you are far more likely to value and respect yourself.
♥Step out of your comfort zone - pushing yourself can help raise self esteem. Do something you wouldn't normally do. For me this could literally be picking up the phone to a stranger rather than emailing them.
♥Set yourself realistic but challenging goals - for me, I'm not going to be running a marathon this time next year. At least, I can't see me being able to do it. But, I can picture myself running 10k and when I achieve this I know that I will feel great!
♥Reward yourself - I think I'm okay at this one. For example, I've started the couch to 10k programme and to reward myself I bought some very snazzy pink trainers.
So this is where it begins. I'm going to get hold of a couple of books our trainer recommended -
60 Tips for Self Esteem and
Be Happy and really make an effort to do something about this.
I am also going to be more positive. A great way to do this is to write down, at the end of each day, five positive things that have happened to you that day. Our trainer said that if you make a little mental note every time something positive happens you'll soon find that that the problem isn't finding five positive things but actually choosing five from all the positive things you've stored in your head. You'll soon stop noticing the negatives and just think about the positive things that happen in your day. They can be as trivial or as deep and meaningful as you like. So here it goes, my five positive things for today.
♥I woke up in a beautiful hotel room in a huge comfy bed♥
♥I had a lovely healthy breakfast of lots of fresh fruit and natural yogurt♥
♥I met some incredibly like minded people in a similar situation to myself♥
♥I feel empowered to do something about my issues♥
♥I get to cuddle my lovely boyfriend tonight♥I hope this post wasn't too long and waffly. I really need to write these thoughts down and my blog seems the perfect place to do this. I figure there are probably a ton of people out there in the same situation and, as they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.
I hope you guys enjoy sharing this journey with me and I'll be sure to share more of the fab stuff I have learned in the near future.
P.S. Don't forget to enter my
giveaway :)

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